In Between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none

And I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
Guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can

For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

For my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

~In Between by Linkin Park

It's been ~4 months since I last updated. Schools over. I'm in a complicated relationship. I had a week where just about everything went wrong. I've moved out and am now living with Collin and Duncan. Life has been a roller coaster as usual. Once again I'm feeling apathetic towards everything. I just want to sit at home and play video games all day. Fuck school, fuck work, fuck everything.

My dreams have gotten pretty sweet, and by sweet I mean fucking me up. I keep having my dream/nightmares coming true. Like I just had a dream in which she's with another man and I wouldn't be the least surprised if it was true. People have always talked about how interesting it would be to see the future. I'm over it, it's ugly, it's cold and unkind. Every time a dream comes true it is something I don't want. Something I wish would never happen, but it does. So for me, i feel like if God wants to fuck with me, go ahead. I'm not playing this game any more. I'm not going to school and I'm just going to do just enough work to be able to live, the rest of the time I'm just going to do what ever the fuck I want to do. And if God doesn't like that then He can do what ever he wants to me, but he's already taken just about anything that matters to me.


I'm the tin man.