Pretty Buildings
I will dive into my sleep
And I dream of the pretty buildings.
Wonder what she's doing now
And whether she's still living.
Telegraph your points of view
And Sheppard me from silence.
Sitting in this fit of rage,
I fall down from my pedestal.
I don't wanna feel this low again.
I ain't gonna steal your flame again.
I don't wanna feel...
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
Flowers bloom in harmony
And mixtapes from the 60's.
Fueled by the LSD,
He looks into his future
I don't wanna feel this low again.
I ain’t gonna steal your flame again.
I don't wanna feel...
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
Honor came and I was dead
Before I left for school.
We paint the smiles onto our heads
And keep away from the animals.
And you know it hurts like hell
So when you reach the top
Just throw yourself off
And you know it hurts like hell
And that's you in a nutshell (x2)
And you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
And you know it hurts like hell!
And that's you in a nutshell!
That's you in a nutshell!
~Pretty Buildings by People in Planes
So Elizabeth and I broke up Wednesday night, Oct 1st. She said her feelings had faded and she didn't feel the same. There was nothing I really could of done. Does it hurt? Yes. But it's not the same as other break ups. It seems like after Lori all my break ups have been rather tame. I guess it's a good thing. Maybe it's a sign of me being more mature. I loved Elizabeth with all my heart but it wasn't enough. I guess the only thing to do, is to move on. I think I'm just going to need some time before I figure out my next move. I have several women in front of me right now that have shown interest, but I don't think I shouldn't do anything for a while. My heart just feels like a fragile pane of glass. When we broke up, I felt as if my heart was about to break for the last time, like it would shatter and I would never recover. Then I felt this calm, like God put his hands in my chest and around my heart and whispered in my ear, "I won't let it break." I shed no tears and simply swallowed the bitter pill. We had a great relationship and I have some wonderful memories that I will carry with me. It's just unfortunate it had to end. I think between me and God, we both know that the next time my heart breaks I will die. I always had this fear of dying by having my throat ruptured, but now I realize my heart breaking is the much more likely possibility.
It's funny how I think about my heart. I have an irregular heart beat. Every time I go to the doctors, they often freak out when they listen to my heart beat and I have to remind them that it's irregular. Every now and then I have to get an EKG to double check. When I was born I was taken to a specialist, supposedly one of the best in the US who lived in LA. He said I would be fine and that it's something I would have to live with all my life, but that it shouldn't impede me. I think that my heart beat has something to do with a spiritual aspect more than a strictly physical one. Love is probably the most important idea there is. For me, I've loved unconditionally. I love my friends, my family and my romances. Over the past several years, I've learned to put disputes and ego to the side. My heart beat is a reminder of the short time we have on this world and that we should love every second we have. I guess in that regard, I could be accused of "loving too much". I would of given her the world to see her happy. I guess the only way for that to happen is to let her go. If I truly love her, then I should be happy for her, as I should with Lori, Amanda, Sandy and all the others who I've felt so strongly about. But I struggle with it because I wonder if they are truly happy. When I've looked into their eyes, I see their inner voice asking for something more. Is it that they are truly missing something? Or is it that they don't realize what they have. I guess in some cases they are, as Amanda is with Curtis, but in others, like Lori, I almost feel compelled to want to save her. But is it even my place to do so??
My dad say that's always been my problem. My want to save people instead of just helping. Maybe it's a control issue, I know that if it's in my hands that I can do something about it. Even if I fail, I will at least be able to bear the burden. I think I was built for it. But at the same time, I know that if I continue to operate in that matter, it will kill me someday. I guess I have to decide on what my roll should be in this world...
I do know this. I don't want to be alone and I don't want another break up. It has to be a sure thing.
In other news, school has been the same. Tons of homework as my two 8 week courses are about to finish up. So far I've printed somewhere ~100 pages in Database homework.
Debate has been blah. Unfortunately I don't have a partner so all I can do is sit on the side and help train the rookies. It's hard to do, but as Captain, it have to be supportive.
I debated the British National team Monday night and beat them by a narrow vote 46-45. Natalie's PMR was all over the place but we still managed to pull it out. I met this really cute reporter from the school news paper a few days before the debate. She interviewed me about the upcoming match and then I invited her to come and do a full story on it. She ended up bringing a photographer and I even set her up to do an interview with the British debaters. I encouraged her to come to the debate team and see a meeting on Friday. We'll see if she shows. She is half Chinese (Taiwanese to be exact, but we all know they're Chinese) and half Mexican just like me!
HOCKEY SEASON IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This year I'm in 3 fantasy hockey leagues:
The Crunk Kings of Hockey
Rules of Engagment
Dudes on Hockey
Here's a breakdown of each league and my team:
The Crunk Kings of Hockey
Type: Points
Center:
Joe Thornton
(SJ - C)
Jason Spezza
(Ott - C)
Patrick Marleau
(SJ - C)
Left Wing:
Brian Rolston
(NJ - LW)
Dustin Byfuglien
(Chi - LW,D)
Right Wing:
Daniel Alfredsson
(Ott - RW)
Devin Setoguchi
(SJ - RW)
Shane Doan
(Pho - RW)
Defensemen:
Wade Redden
(NYR - D)
Andrej Meszaros
(TB - D)
Kimmo Timonen
(Phi - D)
Dan Boyle
(SJ - D)
Andrei Markov
(Mon - D)
Goalies:
Martin Brodeur
(NJ - G)
Evgeni Nabokov
(SJ - G)
Niklas Backstrom
(Min - G)
Overall a pretty kick ass team. As long as my players get their dual position eligibility, I should be good to go. My goalie squad is killer. I think I can have a run away in that category.
Rules of Engagement
Type: Points (PIM only)
Center:
Nik Antropov
(Tor - C,RW)
Bobby Holik
(NJ - C)
Left Wing:
Daniel Carcillo
(Pho - LW)
Right Wing:
Eric Godard
(Pit - RW)
Zack Stortini
(Edm - RW)
Defensemen:
Shane O'Brien
(Van - D)
Douglas Murray
(SJ - D)
As long as Carcillo did what he did last year, I should win this league by ~200 points. The best part is that he managed to put up that many penalties in only 56 games. Imagine a full season. This is one of those rare instances where having the #2 pick overall = awesome thanks to the first person to draft, drafted like it was a regular league.
Dudes on Hockey
Type: Head to Head
Centers:
Henrik Sedin
(Van - C)
Jordan Staal
(Pit - C,LW)
Mikko Koivu
(Min - C)
R.J. Umberger
(Cls - C)
Left Wings:
Alexander Ovechkin
(Was - LW)
Simon Gagne
(Phi - LW)
Right Wings:
Martin St. Louis
(TB - RW)
Teemu Selanne
(Anh - RW)
Jonathan Cheechoo
(SJ - RW)
Defensemen:
Dustin Byfuglien
(Chi - LW,D)
Filip Kuba
(Ott - D)
Michal Rozsival
(NYR - D)
Adrian Aucoin
(Cgy - D)
Craig Rivet
(Buf - D)
Goalies:
Niklas Backstrom
(Min - G)
Mike Smith
(TB - G)
Jason LaBarbera
(LA - G)
This will be the toughest league. 14 people head to head. I have a pretty solid forward core with Ovechkin, St Louis, Selanne, and Sedin. The biggest weakness on this team will be the goalies. We'll see how it works out.
Puck drops tonight. Go Sharks!!!!
Good night and sweet dreams.
And I dream of the pretty buildings.
Wonder what she's doing now
And whether she's still living.
Telegraph your points of view
And Sheppard me from silence.
Sitting in this fit of rage,
I fall down from my pedestal.
I don't wanna feel this low again.
I ain't gonna steal your flame again.
I don't wanna feel...
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
Flowers bloom in harmony
And mixtapes from the 60's.
Fueled by the LSD,
He looks into his future
I don't wanna feel this low again.
I ain’t gonna steal your flame again.
I don't wanna feel...
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
Cause you know it hurts like hell!
Honor came and I was dead
Before I left for school.
We paint the smiles onto our heads
And keep away from the animals.
And you know it hurts like hell
So when you reach the top
Just throw yourself off
And you know it hurts like hell
And that's you in a nutshell (x2)
And you know it hurts like hell!
So come out of the closet
Let's talk about it
And you know it hurts like hell!
And that's you in a nutshell!
That's you in a nutshell!
~Pretty Buildings by People in Planes
So Elizabeth and I broke up Wednesday night, Oct 1st. She said her feelings had faded and she didn't feel the same. There was nothing I really could of done. Does it hurt? Yes. But it's not the same as other break ups. It seems like after Lori all my break ups have been rather tame. I guess it's a good thing. Maybe it's a sign of me being more mature. I loved Elizabeth with all my heart but it wasn't enough. I guess the only thing to do, is to move on. I think I'm just going to need some time before I figure out my next move. I have several women in front of me right now that have shown interest, but I don't think I shouldn't do anything for a while. My heart just feels like a fragile pane of glass. When we broke up, I felt as if my heart was about to break for the last time, like it would shatter and I would never recover. Then I felt this calm, like God put his hands in my chest and around my heart and whispered in my ear, "I won't let it break." I shed no tears and simply swallowed the bitter pill. We had a great relationship and I have some wonderful memories that I will carry with me. It's just unfortunate it had to end. I think between me and God, we both know that the next time my heart breaks I will die. I always had this fear of dying by having my throat ruptured, but now I realize my heart breaking is the much more likely possibility.
It's funny how I think about my heart. I have an irregular heart beat. Every time I go to the doctors, they often freak out when they listen to my heart beat and I have to remind them that it's irregular. Every now and then I have to get an EKG to double check. When I was born I was taken to a specialist, supposedly one of the best in the US who lived in LA. He said I would be fine and that it's something I would have to live with all my life, but that it shouldn't impede me. I think that my heart beat has something to do with a spiritual aspect more than a strictly physical one. Love is probably the most important idea there is. For me, I've loved unconditionally. I love my friends, my family and my romances. Over the past several years, I've learned to put disputes and ego to the side. My heart beat is a reminder of the short time we have on this world and that we should love every second we have. I guess in that regard, I could be accused of "loving too much". I would of given her the world to see her happy. I guess the only way for that to happen is to let her go. If I truly love her, then I should be happy for her, as I should with Lori, Amanda, Sandy and all the others who I've felt so strongly about. But I struggle with it because I wonder if they are truly happy. When I've looked into their eyes, I see their inner voice asking for something more. Is it that they are truly missing something? Or is it that they don't realize what they have. I guess in some cases they are, as Amanda is with Curtis, but in others, like Lori, I almost feel compelled to want to save her. But is it even my place to do so??
My dad say that's always been my problem. My want to save people instead of just helping. Maybe it's a control issue, I know that if it's in my hands that I can do something about it. Even if I fail, I will at least be able to bear the burden. I think I was built for it. But at the same time, I know that if I continue to operate in that matter, it will kill me someday. I guess I have to decide on what my roll should be in this world...
I do know this. I don't want to be alone and I don't want another break up. It has to be a sure thing.
In other news, school has been the same. Tons of homework as my two 8 week courses are about to finish up. So far I've printed somewhere ~100 pages in Database homework.
Debate has been blah. Unfortunately I don't have a partner so all I can do is sit on the side and help train the rookies. It's hard to do, but as Captain, it have to be supportive.
I debated the British National team Monday night and beat them by a narrow vote 46-45. Natalie's PMR was all over the place but we still managed to pull it out. I met this really cute reporter from the school news paper a few days before the debate. She interviewed me about the upcoming match and then I invited her to come and do a full story on it. She ended up bringing a photographer and I even set her up to do an interview with the British debaters. I encouraged her to come to the debate team and see a meeting on Friday. We'll see if she shows. She is half Chinese (Taiwanese to be exact, but we all know they're Chinese) and half Mexican just like me!
HOCKEY SEASON IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This year I'm in 3 fantasy hockey leagues:
The Crunk Kings of Hockey
Rules of Engagment
Dudes on Hockey
Here's a breakdown of each league and my team:
The Crunk Kings of Hockey
Type: Points
Center:
Joe Thornton
(SJ - C)
Jason Spezza
(Ott - C)
Patrick Marleau
(SJ - C)
Left Wing:
Brian Rolston
(NJ - LW)
Dustin Byfuglien
(Chi - LW,D)
Right Wing:
Daniel Alfredsson
(Ott - RW)
Devin Setoguchi
(SJ - RW)
Shane Doan
(Pho - RW)
Defensemen:
Wade Redden
(NYR - D)
Andrej Meszaros
(TB - D)
Kimmo Timonen
(Phi - D)
Dan Boyle
(SJ - D)
Andrei Markov
(Mon - D)
Goalies:
Martin Brodeur
(NJ - G)
Evgeni Nabokov
(SJ - G)
Niklas Backstrom
(Min - G)
Overall a pretty kick ass team. As long as my players get their dual position eligibility, I should be good to go. My goalie squad is killer. I think I can have a run away in that category.
Rules of Engagement
Type: Points (PIM only)
Center:
Nik Antropov
(Tor - C,RW)
Bobby Holik
(NJ - C)
Left Wing:
Daniel Carcillo
(Pho - LW)
Right Wing:
Eric Godard
(Pit - RW)
Zack Stortini
(Edm - RW)
Defensemen:
Shane O'Brien
(Van - D)
Douglas Murray
(SJ - D)
As long as Carcillo did what he did last year, I should win this league by ~200 points. The best part is that he managed to put up that many penalties in only 56 games. Imagine a full season. This is one of those rare instances where having the #2 pick overall = awesome thanks to the first person to draft, drafted like it was a regular league.
Dudes on Hockey
Type: Head to Head
Centers:
Henrik Sedin
(Van - C)
Jordan Staal
(Pit - C,LW)
Mikko Koivu
(Min - C)
R.J. Umberger
(Cls - C)
Left Wings:
Alexander Ovechkin
(Was - LW)
Simon Gagne
(Phi - LW)
Right Wings:
Martin St. Louis
(TB - RW)
Teemu Selanne
(Anh - RW)
Jonathan Cheechoo
(SJ - RW)
Defensemen:
Dustin Byfuglien
(Chi - LW,D)
Filip Kuba
(Ott - D)
Michal Rozsival
(NYR - D)
Adrian Aucoin
(Cgy - D)
Craig Rivet
(Buf - D)
Goalies:
Niklas Backstrom
(Min - G)
Mike Smith
(TB - G)
Jason LaBarbera
(LA - G)
This will be the toughest league. 14 people head to head. I have a pretty solid forward core with Ovechkin, St Louis, Selanne, and Sedin. The biggest weakness on this team will be the goalies. We'll see how it works out.
Puck drops tonight. Go Sharks!!!!
Good night and sweet dreams.
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