Blood

I will forgive but I won't forget
And I hope you know you've lost my respect

You better watch out
If you don't know what's going on around you
You better think twice
Before you fly off the handle and lose it
You better join us
Before you get lost in the shuffle
You gotta rise against
The demons that are gonna try and hold you down


Cause I'm not a pawn for you to play in your fucking game
I've got dignity and a dream that I want to achieve
Under pressure, you crumbled and you let me down
I'm not deaf and all I hear are your empty promises


I will forgive but I won't forget
And I hope you know you've lost my respect

Does it run in your blood, to betray the ones you love?
Yes it runs in your blood, to betray the ones you love!
-Blood by Papa Roach


We got a speech from Plan Parent hood in Psychology of Sex on Thursday. They talked about birth control and gave out free condoms. They have mint flavored condoms, for some reason that doesn't sound sexy at all.

My dance class has been working on the Cha-Cha, I don't like it as much as I like Salsa but it's still fun. My teacher was sick this week and didn't want to get his dance partner sick so we worked on individual exercises. I got a few good abb exercises out of it. There are these two girls in the class who I've danced with a couple of times, but one of them kept staring at me this week and would whisper to her friend while looking at me. I don't know what to make of it. At least she has a nice rack.

Hooray for daylight savings time.

USC finally lost but only because they gave that game to the beavers.

San Jose rebounded from it's two game losing streak. Here are some pics from the win at Tampa Bay.





The Cowboys also won ripping the panthers. Here's a picture of TO who's finally calmed down and become a productive player.

Hard to Concentrate

Hustle, bustle and so much muscle
Cells about to seperate
And I find it hard to concentrate and

Temporary this cash and carry
I'm stepping up to indicate
The time has come to deviate and

All I want is for you to be happy and
Take this moment to make you my family and
Finally you have found something perfect and
Finally you have found

Death defying this mess I'm buying
It's raining down with love and hate
And I find it hard to motivate and

Estuary is blessed but scary your
Heart's about to palpitate
And I'm not about to hesitate and

One to treasure the rest of your days here and
Give you pleasure in so many ways dear and
Finally you have found something perfect and
Finally you have found... here we go

Do you want me to show up for duty and
Serve this woman and honor her beauty and
Finally you have found something perfect and
Finally you have found... yourself

With me... will... you... agree to take
This man... into your world...
And now... we are as one...

My lone ranger the heat exchanger
Is living in this figure eight
And I'll do my best to recreate and

Sweet precision and soft collision
Hearts about to palpitate
And I find it hard to seperate and

All I want is for you to be happy and
Take this woman and make you my family and
Finally you have found someone perfect and
Finally you have found... now

All I want is for you to be happy and
Take this woman and make you my family and
Finally you have found someone perfect and
Finally you have found... yourself

-Red Hot Chili Peppers


Quick Recap of the past week:

Gave a speech on counter strike today. Got an 87% + 10% for wearing a buisness suit, so total a 97%. w00t.

Cowboys lost. Boooo.

Sharks are 7-2-0. w00t.

This weekend was relaxing. They delivered the La-Z-Boy, but it was the wrong color so they will deliever the right one next week, until then we get to keep the current one. Once you sit in it, it's almost impossible to want to leave, it's just that great.


Whats next:

I'm working on my next two speeches. One will be on 9/11 and the second will deal with this current administrations campaign of terror. I'm going to piss some people off, I can feel it. Here's another Keith Olbermann video, I love this guy. I can only hope my speeches can be as effective as his.





Now that I have 1 less class I've found my self playing alot of video games again. Once again the cycle continues, but my grades aren't hurting so I won't think about it too much.

It's good to see a familiar face and get a warm hug. Thanks, you made my day =D That and the fact that the Sharks won 3-0 =P Just promise me next time Dallas will win =)

Slow Cheetah

Waking up dead inside of my head
Will never never do there is no med
No medicine to take

I've had a chance to be insane
Asylum from the falling rain
I've had a chance to break

It's so bad it's got to be good
Mysterious girl misunderstood
Dressed like a wedding cake

Any other day and I might play
A funeral march for Bonnie Brae
Why try and run away

I know a girl
She worked in a store
She knew not what
Her life was for
She barely knew her name

They tried to tell her
She would never be
As happy as the girl
In the magazine
She bought it with her pay

Everyone has
So much to say
They talk talk talk
Their lives away
Don't even hesitate

Walking on down
To the burial ground
It's a very old dance
With a merry old sound
Looks like it's on today

- Slow Cheetah by Red Hot Chili Peppers


Friday was Friday the 13th. Nothing unlucky happened. Unless you count not winning a scratcher.

I spent the weekend at my dads, I hung a few prints I had framed, I bought a set of 3 prints a few years back and my dad framed 2 of them while I was in China. I'll have the 3rd one framed next week and hung up next to the other two. I can tell it's going to look great, I'll post pics once I finish.

We watched The Departed. It was a really great movie. Probably one of the best movies I've seen this year so far. A lot of times, a film can have tons of big names, but fail miserably. This film actually used all those stars to their full potential and it worked out great.

I had an asthma attack last night. I woke up from an intense dream and couldn't breathe. I literally crawled to the bathroom and had to put my head under the faucet to calm my self down and regain my breathing. I hadn't had an attack like that in years. What a horrible nightmare.

Cowboys won today, 34-6 over the Texans. Cowboys are now 3-2.

My dad and I went to La-Z-Boy today and got a recliner. It will be great to be able to relax in that instead of the floor. Right now my dads living room has 0 furniture, yet the room we spend zero time in has two sofas and a chair. Usually we just take stools from the dining room table and drag them to the living room or we just lay on the tile floor, its not comfortable either way. If you're on facebook you can see pictures from my dads house, it is the epitome of an all male house. Too bad we couldn't get two La-Z-boys, but they're expensive, 1000$ each for their top model.

Saturday was Collins b-day. We ate dinner at Ruby's and then played mini golf at Boomers. Ryan won the first round beating me by 6 strokes. I won the second round shooting a 48 while Ryan shot a 51. I had a 5 stroke lead in the last 4 holes but blew 2 strokes on 16 shooting a 6, and went to 18 with only a 2 stroke lead but I sealed the win by shooting a 2. It was a fun night, I wish we had gone bowling after words but Ryan and Duncan were tired and Adi took off. Another night.



I've missed this for a while and it feels kinda dumb to say it, but, I miss hugs. I don't get them often and only a few people I know give them to me, but I miss them none the less. The feelings expressed in a hug are just beyond words I think. It shows you care and it shows you'll be there in a way more meaningful than saying that. So next time you see me and don't feel awkward about it, give me a hug =D I won't squeeze, too hard.



FREE HUGS!!!!!!!

Everyone needs a hug

How can you not want to hug one of these!!! If I get a dog, I want one of these or a Huskie!

One of my favorite huggers =D

Music of the Night

Night-time sharpens,
heightens each sensation . . .
Darkness stirs and
wakes imagination . . .
Silently the senses
abandon their defenses . . .
Slowly, gently
night unfurls its splendor . . .
Grasp it, sense it -
tremulous and tender . . .
Turn your face away
from the garish light of day,
turn your thoughts away
from cold, unfeeling light -
and listen to
the music of the night . . .
Close your eyes
and surrender to your
darkest dreams!
Purge your thoughts
of the life
you knew before!
Close your eyes,
let your spirit
start to soar!
And you'll live
as you've never
lived before . . .
- Music of the Night from The Phantom of the Opera



Yesterday was the last day of my Interpersonal Communication, I gave a speech on the Phantom of the Opera and scored a perfect 100/100. I was both sad and relieved the class was ending. It was a fun class but I could use the extra time to finish some papers.

Today's creative writing class went well. I spent most of today working on a story. "Last Night In Beijing". I need to have a few people look it over, but once I finish it I will post it here for you all to enjoy.

The Sharks lost tonight. First loss of the season to Edmonton of all teams. I'm sure Jimmy is happy.

I spoke to my psychology teacher on Tuesday who had read my recurring dream to the class. I had to leave early the week before so I didn't get to hear his comments on it. I talked to him before class and he pointed out at just how detailed my dream was and how some schools, like Freud would say my dream speaks volumes about who I am, but of course interpretation comes down to me. I've had the dream for almost 6 years now. It's almost always the same, only small details change. I don't know what it means, but there must be a reason for the dream.

It's early morning, and the sun has yet to rise. Fog still covers the field as I look out from atop the hill. It's cold, and I can see my breathe. A darkness covers the land and demons rise from the ground in a black cloud. 1000's of them descend upon me in my white armor. With my wings spread I fight them. Some times I win, sometimes I fall. Some times my friends are there and I must hold the demons off while they escape. The fighting can last for hours, and there is little to no talking, but I can feel what the demons are thinking. If I fail, I know they will go after the ones I love.

I wake up exhausted afterwords. I've been debating about signing up for a sleep study. I'd like to know what my body and brain are doing while I sleep.

I've recently had these pictures in my mind that I want to draw. I just wish I knew how to draw. I'd be really great if there was something that could just transfer my thoughts into pictures, that'd just be easier.

I've been kicking a few ideas around for stories, I'll prolly spend this weekend trying to get them down on paper. My teacher has put out a challenge for us to get published. I have a few stories that I think I can get published some where. We'll see how that goes.

Behaviorists believe you are what you do, and nothing else matters. Every action we take is decided by weighing costs and rewards and there is no thought or feeling. While I believe action is very important, to completely discard the human mind seems absurd to me. Yet this is the most popular form of psychology right now. I just don't agree.




I gave you my music . . .
made your song take wing . . .
and now, how you've
repaid me:
denied me
and betrayed me . . .
He was bound to love you
when he heard you sing . . .
Christine ...

You will curse the day
you did not do
all that the Phantom asked
of you . . .!
-All I Asked Of You Reprise

Rolling around in my mind

"From low to WHOOOAAAA"
-Clea, describing the speed settings on a vibrator


Some interesting things have happened the past week.

Sports:
Cowboys lost. BOOOO!

Sharks have won their first 3 games. YAY!!!!

Yankees got knocked out. LAUGH!!!! How can you be the highest paid team in sports and lose in the first round. (I don't like baseball but this is just funny)


School:
Tests, tests and more tests. Thankfully it will all be over tomorrow.

Today in Sex we had a presentation from Passionate Playthings. We got to see all sorts of sex toys, lubes, books, and other sex related items. It was fun. I got a business card from them, a few items struck me as great items for a few people I know. I also got to try a few lotions and stuff. I got to taste Nipple Nibbler, a eatable balm you put on a woman's nipples. It has a cool tingly feeling and tastes like strawberry's. I put some on my lips which gave me this interesting feeling for about 20 mins. I couldn't decide if I liked it or not.


Random stuff:
I had a dentist appointment on Monday morning. The woman, a young 27 Viet girl who was pretty cute, ended up talking to me about drinking and stuff. Her favorite was The Hulk or LA Water. Neither of them I had heard of before but she explained them and told me they were really good. She used to work in a bar and the bartenders taught her how to mix a few things. It was nice chatting to someone about drinking preferences and such although it was hard for me to answer her with her hands in my mouth. Really, dentists need to realize that people can't talk when we have metal objects in our mouth.

On Friday night as I was walking home from Burger King I passed by a familiar face but blew it off thinking it couldn't be her. When I reached the outside of my complex I saw the all to familiar blue corolla. Sure enough Lori's mom recognized me and I walked over to her car and chatted with her. Moments later Kelly, who I had passed earlier, came to the car. We talked about standard things. How are you doing, how's school, etc etc. It was awkward a bit since I hadn't talked to them in over a year. They both said I lost a lot of weight and I looked good, it always feels good to hear people compliment you.

The following night I had a crazy dream. Long story short, I ran into Lori at the grocery store and she said she needed my help. I woke up afterwords. Perhaps I should give her a call or perhaps my mind is just fucking with me again. It seems to me my mind always dreams of things that I don't think about consciously. I wonder if it's just my mind being out of wack or if it's trying to tell me something.


In a somewhat related topic I've been thinking about what if a girl I liked actually asked me out. Would I say yes? I recently came to the conclusion that if most of the women I liked asked me out, I would most likely say no. I know that seems weird, cause if I like them, then why wouldn't I take that chance, but I realized that while I'm physically attracted to them and they definitely have some personality traits I truly enjoy, I dunno if they are what I would consider the complete package.

See, what I think a lot of men don't realize is that men don't need women, women need men. What? I'll say it again, men don't need women, women need men. See, when men look for women, physical attraction is usually the first thing they look for and is often the most important. I know, not EVERY guy is like this obviously but it's the general rule. Women on the other hand look for much more. A guy that has in life in order, knows where he is going in life, is emotionally stable, is funny, well dressed, good conversationalist, physically healthy, etc etc. Now if you think about it, how many pretty women do you know? I not talking drop dead gorgeous but pretty. I'm betting quite a few. Guess what, we all know women that are pretty because there are tons of them. On the other hand, how many guys do you know that are everything I described above. I betting not many, the truth is, there aren't a whole lot of guys who are "the total package". In fact, I can only think of a couple that I know of. For the most part, guys are lacking in one area or the other. Most women tend to over look this and end up settling for a guy that's kind of close to what they want. This is a factor in why divorce rate is so high, poor mate selection. (I know the divorce rate is down, but that's cause the marriage rate is down, the actually % is up.) To come back full circle to me, many of the women I've taken a liking to aren't exactly what I'm looking for. They may posses some qualities, but they are lacking in others. Some may say I'm being picky, but in my opinion, if I'm going to be with someone, I want to pick someone who is going to complitment the relationship and bring what I think is necessary for a strong, successful relationship. It's unfortunate that many of the girls I know have no idea how to maintain a real relationship.

Now I am now where near the complete package. I still have alot of areas in my life I need to straighten out, but once I do have them straight finding the right woman will become alot easier.

After finishing my Interpersonal communication class, I feel like I am better prepared to be in a relationship and now better understand what it takes to make it reach it's full potential. I just hope I can find a girl who understands and can do the same thing.



And that's what's been rolling around in my mind.

Defcon

"We knew the world could not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita: "I am became Death, the destroyers of worlds." I suppose we all thought that, one way or another. "
-J Robert Oppenheimer


Not much has happened the past couple days.

Cowboys won 45-14 .

San Jose finished the preseason 6-2. Regular season starts in 3 days.

I played this game called Defcon. It's based of the 80's movie, War Games. Basicly, it's a nueclear war. Here are some screens from a couple of games I played.



At Defcon 5, you set up your silos, fleets, air bases and radar. At Defcon 4 you can begin to move fleets and air units and can do bombings but can't launch a nuke.


At Defcon one you can launch nukes. A beautiful oblivion.


2nd strike.
What's left of LA. 3.0 million alive, 7.4 million dead. This is for downtown LA only.

At the end of this game nearly 400 million people we're killed in about 30 mins. It's pretty close to impossible to play this game with out huge losses. A single nuke to a place like New York will take around 44 million people. Considering each side can launch up to 50+ nukes, your bound to get pretty fucked. Morale of the game, there are no winners in a nuclear war.


Fat Beats with a Red Bull Can



I also got a percussion cd. Here's a clip of one of the songs on it.