Make You Smile / Weatherman

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the Sun shining in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway

The Last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
The next time you see me, i'll turn away
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night,
I couldn't feel you, your always too far away.

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you would stay with me a while

~Make You Smile by +44


So much I want to say, but I feel like there's no point in writing it.

I've always been a heart on my sleeve kind of guy, but even though I do show my emotions there's a lot I still keep hidden. It recently has become harder and harder to hold my feelings in. Every night I want to cry and every day I want to scream. It seems like I'm always depressed or angry. Of course a lot of these emotions stem from my many shitty situations. Situations in which I have little control. I'm just tired, tired of this pain. I know everyone has pain they have to deal with, but for me it's just become almost unbearable. My emotions have become so heavy I have been starting to have a hard time breathing. I've been having asthma attacks brought on by my terrible nightmares (based on my reality) and when I'm just sitting there thinking about what's going on in my life. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to lay in bed and never get up. I want to wake up and for all of this to be a bad dream. But I know that won't happen.





So you think you've been through it all
But I can't help but wonder now
Yesterday I found my worst regret
I'll hide it away so no one ever knows

I'm dying...
I'm trying to leave

Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on
Every now and then I feel the end of us

I never meant to say I'm sorry
And I'm not sad to see you go
Where human shapes burned on concrete walls
These days the sun don't shine here anymore

I'm dying... (I find it motivating to see your troubles drowning)
I'm trying to leave (It's such a shame to feel I'm drifting)

Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on
Every now and then I feel the end of us
I love the way you breathe inside my head
But something's gotta change, I'm barely holding on

I'm barely holding on
I'm barely holding on

~Weatherman by +44

In Between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none

And I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
Guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can

For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

For my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

~In Between by Linkin Park

It's been ~4 months since I last updated. Schools over. I'm in a complicated relationship. I had a week where just about everything went wrong. I've moved out and am now living with Collin and Duncan. Life has been a roller coaster as usual. Once again I'm feeling apathetic towards everything. I just want to sit at home and play video games all day. Fuck school, fuck work, fuck everything.

My dreams have gotten pretty sweet, and by sweet I mean fucking me up. I keep having my dream/nightmares coming true. Like I just had a dream in which she's with another man and I wouldn't be the least surprised if it was true. People have always talked about how interesting it would be to see the future. I'm over it, it's ugly, it's cold and unkind. Every time a dream comes true it is something I don't want. Something I wish would never happen, but it does. So for me, i feel like if God wants to fuck with me, go ahead. I'm not playing this game any more. I'm not going to school and I'm just going to do just enough work to be able to live, the rest of the time I'm just going to do what ever the fuck I want to do. And if God doesn't like that then He can do what ever he wants to me, but he's already taken just about anything that matters to me.


I'm the tin man.